The Professional Haters

MP's Track of the Day

2009-06-20T18:52:00.004-04:00

Reality Check (feat. Black Thought) - J Dilla

J Dilla - Reality Check (ft. Black Thought of The Roots)

This is the jam. The whole Jay Stay Paid album is very good, and actually plays like an album rather than a mixtape like other, new albums that have come out recently. There really is no excuse for this music being released so late. We can all hope that Dilla made thousands of time capsules with beat CDs in them so that we can continue to rock to his incredible creativity. Or, seemingly less likely, maybe someone will come with his type of innovation and do something both different and enjoyable in Hip Hop.

Happy - Sad: Rock the Bells 2009

2009-06-15T18:43:00.004-04:00

Happy: Rock the Bells, an international Hip Hop festival that leans toward more authentic artists, seems to have become a staple of the yearly summer music festivities.

Sad: With the absence of De La Soul from the bill, the only guarantee audiences have about the performances is that the entire lineup will have prepared a grand total of 30 seconds for their sets. Live Hip Hop - The Roots = AHHHHHH!!!!!!!! STOP!! STOP!!!

Ecstatic about The Ecstatic?

2009-06-14T23:30:00.004-04:00

No matter what Mos Def does, he will be an underground God. Though he all but turned his back on hip hop, put out one remarkably weak album in comparison to his first solo effort and another "album" that was a glorified piece of plastic, most who truly love rap music simply cannot put the man down. Black Star and Black On Both Sides are to this day two of the most complete and satisfying hip hop albums ever created, due in large part to the creativity and lyricism of Mos Def. He's done almost everything he could to alienate his fan base (Common recently took the cake as far as former hip hop artists are concerned) and they still wait patiently for the next single or album.

I am probably one of those fans - as far as I'm concerned, there isn't a more perfect flow with the lyrical content to match out there - but that doesn't mean I didn't have my reservations coming into the release of his newest effort, The Ecstatic. I was worried that he would let me down yet again, let hip hop down, but continue to hypocritically leach off his "hip hop" status in the media.

Well, The Ecstatic is certainly not a let down, but it ain't perfect. There are some moments of greatness on the record, and I thoroughly enjoy many of the tracks, but it lacks the coherence of his early work. Without comparisons to the past, it leaves something to be desired. Pretty Dancer and Workers Comp are interesting both sonically and lyrically, and signal the return of Mos the Rapper. In fact, I can't really complain about the specific songs on the record (except No Hay Nada Mas - I'm never really a fan of non-Latinos singing in Spanish). But songs like Quiet Dog, which is a great direction for experimental hip hop, should be just that - an experiment. Other tracks, like Twilite Speedball or Life In Marvelous Times, would have been good singles to leak before an album is dropped, and show the exploration necessary for a great album, but sound out of place in the album format.

And while I love the songs, it doesn't help this feeling when Oh No and Madlib are both giving Mos Def recycled beats (is anyone else tired of this?!?!?! Stop it Madlib, Oh No and MF DOOM!!!). What I feel is that the album is not an album - it is a collection of the hip hop equivalent of a jam session - no collaboration, but pick the best beats off a beat CD and record. The Ecstatic has a bunch of good songs on it, and suggests a good direction for Mos Def's music. But in the grand scheme of music and into longevity, that's all it is, which is an issue for an artist like Mos Def.

Seriously Though, BG Is Old Enough To Remember What This Was Like

2009-06-05T15:54:00.002-04:00

In an interview with VIBE, BG talks Hot Boys reunion, and as with most rappers who haven't released an album since before the recession, reality continues to elude him. Regarding the potential reunion, Gizzle (ew) had this to say:

What can you tell me about [the reunion]?

It’s going to be bigger than The Beatles. It’s going to be bigger than The Beatles. [laughs]

So you’re excited about it?

Most definitely! Because you know, at one point in time, you couldn’t get me to talk about it. I wasn’t open for it, you know what I am saying? But as I grew and then I got older and as I started just understanding life in general, things happen, and things happen for a reason. You know, people go through things, family go through things, but they sit down, talk it over, be real about it, acknowledge their mistakes and move on.

That's right, people; it doesn't matter if you were cheated by your business partners and later accused them of being embezzling homosexuals with no street credibility who should be afraid of you. THINGS HAPPEN. Things like recessions, and failed record labels, and signing to labels run by artists who have over a decade less of experience than you, and solo albums that get pushed back because even your fans are kind of starting to forget who you are, and a case of the uglies that makes Sam Cassell look like Tyson Beckford. Those kind of things!!!

Suge Knight Bodies the "New West"

2009-06-01T11:02:00.003-04:00

How do I know that the "new west" is officially D.O.A? Well, let's just say that having the endorsement of a man who managed to put out…um…ONE without the name "Shakur" attached since he released an unauthorized Snoop CD in 2000(Dead Man Walking…which, oddly enough, was pretty good in comparison to Snoop's recent work) doesn't exactly inspire heights of confidence.

Seriously, ask Crooked I about Suge's role in the "new west." Dude was supposed to be the answer to Snoop's "betrayal", and now he's part of a "super group" (the ultimate example of speaking something into reality if I've ever seen it) with Joell Ortiz (who?), Royce 5'9" (I just lost $5 on a bet that he was dead) and Joe Budden (I really wish he'd release one album entitled "excuses for why I'm not a success yet" and get that theme out of his system).

While we're on the matter, maybe I'm crazy, but is there ANY good reason to get all hopped up about the "new west"? I've listened to the major players (Nipsey Hussle, Jay Rock, Glasses Malone…) and they all seem like clones of The Game, who was pretty much a less enjoyable version of 50 Cent to begin with. Color me bored until further notice.

50 Cent Declares Victory With Rick Ross's #1 Album

2009-05-21T16:34:00.003-04:00

Whoo Kid, in an interview with MTV, announced to the rap public that boss 50 Cent is officially finished with his beef with Rick Ross. According to Whoo Kid...

"The Rick Ross sh-- is outta here. It's over, he's done his promo — 50 promoted his album very well, so Rick Ross is outta here. Now he's worried about his own shit. They got the Tia book out there. That should be the last level of anything that has anything to do with Rick Ross."

Yes, you guys really showed him. You buried him all the way down to an album that was number one on the billboard charts for two straight weeks. Maybe for your next trick you can shame him into being a multimillionaire, or break his spirit until he sleeps with your wife. Honestly, you guys did such a bad job with this that I thought maybe Ross had honestly paid you to do promotions for his release.

When will rappers be able to admit that something didn't work out the way they thought it would in a funny, self effacing way? Five years? Ten?

You People Continuously Disappoint Me

2009-05-21T15:09:00.004-04:00

650,000 units in hard copies in its first week? Are you people kidding me? I joked yesterday that dignity was no longer gangsta. Apparently, hacky comedy is SUPER GANGSTA AND EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMAN.

Who the hell is responsible for this? At least Lil' Wayne was coming off of a blistering string of features and collaborations that tricked us all into thinking he was the best rapper alive. If he had pulled this crap...well, he IS pulling this crap, and Rebirth is being pushed back to Neveruary 31st.

More disturbing still is that the material that has been released is either the worst (in terms of both sound and creativity) or the most offensively dark. Jokes about sexual abuse toward women told in a kooky voice? Is that where we're at? Nick Cannon needs to be the voice of reason for Hip Hop?

Un. Effing. Believable.

Can We Push It Back So It Goes Through a Hole In Time and Disappears?

2009-05-21T13:48:00.005-04:00

Fans waiting for Lil Wayne's Rebirth (I see you, "Stan" wannabe) will need to wait for yet another month, as the album has been pushed back for yet another month. So, from an original start date of April 7, we're now waiting until July 21. I mean, hey, it takes a LONG time to come up with a new, innovative way to say "yeah, we know this album blows goats, but you need to buy it anyway." Last I checked, they were running with "Rock album? Pffft. What rock album? This isn't rock, OR rap. It's a WEEZY album. Here, drink what's in this cup..."

Oh, more good news, there's an Avril Lavigne compilation. Avril. Lavigne. It's like someone read my nightmare journal aloud through an Auto-tuner.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day - 5/21/2009

2009-05-21T11:54:00.004-04:00

"All The Above (rmx)" - Maino f/ Young Jeezy

all the above remix - maino ft young jeezy & t-pain

Considering the obvious, thumping southern influence of this track, it's only fitting that an eventual remix with a major southern artist would emerge. For my money, you couldn't have picked a better representative than Jeezy. With Luda having crossed over to a realm where desperation wouldn't sound credible any more, and T.I. too swagger heavy to pull off the theme of this track, the Snowman somehow remains comfortably in between the endpoint of success and the starting point of hunger. The result is a verse that fits the track perfectly. For his part, Maino steps his game up, exchanging his slower, plodding thoughts on his life for a sped up flow that finally has his lyrics on par with the interesting soundscape around it. If remixes have to either be better than the original or different enough to be considered their own innovative take on the song, this track is a successful execution of the former idea.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day - 5/20/2009

2009-05-20T14:42:00.002-04:00

"Time" - Cory Gunz

Off of his upcoming Gangsta Grillz mixtape, Cory Gunz brings an angry hunger that I haven't heard in any of his previous work. Whether it's because he's gone ignored by the mainstream media in favor of the "hipster hop" trend, or because being dropped from a label without so much as a single is the ultimate slap in the face of a young artist, Gunz turns the ticking clock of his career into intense focus, matching an already grimy track bar for bar with desperate fury. Consider my interest finally piqued, Mr. Gunz.

Correction: T.I. Will Likely Do 10 Months Of Possible 10 Year Sentence

2009-05-20T13:55:00.002-04:00

Blame it on the A-A-A-A-A-A-AP people. Apparently, T.I.'s sentence will only credit time served in confinement AFTER he serves a minimun of about 10 months, as opposed to the 2 months that was previously reported.

Definitely more reasonable that 2 months. Nowhere near what a man in possession of several unregistered guns that really serve no other purpose other than violence should get, but more reasonable.

Ray J Should Be On Every Hook

2009-05-20T11:24:00.005-04:00

Yes, this song is chock full o' idiotic rap-romance lines, but I'm putting this thing up for one thing: An utterly laughable Ray J hook. Hearing a man passionately describe his object of desire/affection as "retarded" does it to me every time.

No, Lil' Haze; this SONG is sweeter than pie, and I want me a slice.

Dignity Is Not Gangsta

2009-05-20T09:52:00.004-04:00

Young Buck's latest street track, "Letter to the Labels," which begins with the perpetually bad sign of "I don't need no hook for this," is like the anti-Drake in terms of building buzz to get major label attention. Facing independence following his crying fit with 50 Cent (yes, we all still remember that, teardrop), Young Buck puts together a two minute, twenty second ode to PLEASE OH PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB BECAUSE I NEED SOME CASH. You know what labels probably don't want right about now? A guy who needs them to sign him, because with nobody selling the odds are good that the streets are the ones telling them what they need to get behind, not the rappers themselves.

Equaly good is the list of labels he asks to sign him. Jive? Yeah, that worked out great for the Clipse. Papoose would rather have DJ Kay Slay managing his career than Jive Records. Grand Hustle? Dude, Alfamega just got kicked out; there's no way T.I. is bringing in a dude who bawled on tape to 50 Cent. CTE? Really? We're begging to be Jeezy's lackey now? Rocafella and Bad Boy? So, releasing an album is no longer a priority of yours? And Ruff Ryders? Do they still exist as anything other than a motorcycle repair company? D-Block? No, do that. Go ahead. You'll be the most interesting guest spot on Sheek's album.

His next track should be all about his proficiency with Microsoft Excel.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA Tattoo Fail

2009-05-19T18:49:00.003-04:00

Moving is a pain, but courtesy of Bossip, we have this unbelievable act of idiocy to end your day. Between this and producing her last album, how hard is this midget trying to guilt Janet into sticking with him? This is the stupidest tattoo since Eddie House tattooing his own name on his arm, you know, just in case we can't read his jersey. Cherish this memory for when the inevitable breakup happens, people...

50 Cent's New Single Needed Some Brett Michaels Impersonations...

2009-05-19T16:44:00.003-04:00

50 Cent’s latest bon mot hit the airwaves recently, entitled “Okay, You’re Right”, and produced by Dr. Dre. In case you were wondering, no, this isn’t a return to the giddy, fearless revenge swagger that made him the king of New York. Instead, 50 has taken a page out of mentor Eminem’s book and opted for an over the top, borderline accented delivery. And that really highlights what’s gone wrong with 50, and with NYC in general. The beat bangs, the hook is well executed, and everything that should work is there, but we’re like the audience that sees the hole in the top hat; the magic has been replaced by mechanics, which is the kiss of death for any performer in any industry. Having chased trends non stop since The Massacre, 50 Cent may have forgotten how to rob an industry on the strength of his own style, instead relying on the tire treads of other hitmakers. Great, except we’ve already got one Diddy, and he’s wearing on us as is. Swing and a miss, and by last count that makes three for Before I Self Destruct…

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day - 5/19/2009

2009-05-19T14:20:00.002-04:00

"Faker" - Newz

Mark my words, you WILL all be paying attention to this man by the time I'm done. In celebration of his copious screen time on last night's "Gotti's Way," here's the current single being worked by Newz on his MySpace. A fun blend of street mentality and catchy, even playful delivery, this track deserves a little more shine than it's received so far, hence its appearance here. Get over the comparisons to other major NYC hitmakers and what you're left with is one of the few original sounds to come out of the City in a long, long time. Bonus points for a hook that you'll wind up singing to yourself later, regardless of how you feel after one listen.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day - 5/18/2009

2009-05-18T16:57:00.002-04:00

"Hate Yourself" - XL

Hate Yourself - XL

Nothing new worth throwing out there, so instead I dig into my R&B crates (ewww...sticky...) to find this vicious little gem from an old DJ Envy mixtape. The world could use a little more of that angry R&B, or at least something that isn't so saccharine. Crooning over murky synths and drums, XL's lone remotely popular (LOOSE usage of that term...) track is a must listen for anyone who has that special someone...that they now despise.

Well I Imagine They'd Do This For Any Minority Defendant In Possession Of Multiple Illegal Guns

2009-05-18T16:47:00.004-04:00

Two months. The man bought three machine guns, had three firearms in the car, and a couple more illegal guns at the crib, including silencers, and he got two months. In a country club. Sounds like somebody must have given the police quite a Paper Trail (HEY-OH!) of their own to get that kind of a deal. So, just remember guys, the cops don't take guns that seriously anymore. I'm looking into purchasing a glock myself. Just living my life..EEEYYYYYYYY, EEEYYYYYYY, EEYYYYYYY (I AM ON FIRE TODAY!)

In Case You Didn't Already Hate Swizz Beatz...

2009-05-18T12:57:00.003-04:00

I generally dislike getting into personal business that doesn't touch on music at all unless it involves beautiful women. With that in mind, the NY Daily News is reporting that Swizz Beatz and Alicia Keys are officially an item. Oh, and also apparently Swizz is cutting back on payments to his ex wife Mashonda, who happens to be the mother of his child. That's gangsta, right? I keep forgetting where the line between "gangsta" and "douchey" is...

Oh, and in case you're wondering, Swizz's ex Mashonda is this woman...

...yeah, if his music didn't already frustrate you, then this should do the trick. I need to get my Fruityloops program up and running again.

Redemption Week Starts Off With a Bang.

2009-05-18T10:15:00.006-04:00

Back in action this week with a bang, courtesy of HHU...

I don't know what's sadder here. Is it the fact that XXL, which built itself on being the "real" Hip Hop magazine is now clearly stretching to incorporate artists simply for the sake of reaching a broader base at the expense of its credibility? Is it that OJ Da Juiceman (who IS this guy?!?) is on a magazine cover without having released so much as one ~~music video~~ proven hit? Is it that Souljaboytellem has made more money in album sales than all three of the other, much older rappers will see from Hip Hop combined? Wait, yes, that last one is sadder.

How many flops does Gucci Mane have to put out before we realize he sucks? Does Shawty Lo think that just because T.I. is in jail it's somehow cool for him to be out and about as though he didn't get brushed to the side? What do we think the turnaround time will be for XXL to be making jokes about Souljaboytellem's music after giving him A F*&KING COVER STORY YOU UNBELIEVABLE HYPOCRITES! Oh, and who let that extra wander into a cover shoot? Because that's just unprofessional.

Unless your first, second, third, and fourth choices were all unavailable, there is no excuse for this cover. This is a worse look than those Benzino covers for The Source.

UPDATE: Well, well, well...looks like OJ Da Juicemeister does in fact have a video...an incredibly stupid video...for an incredibly stupider single...everything in me hurts when I watch this...

Oj Da Juiceman ft Gucci Mane: 'Make The Trap Say Ay' Music Video - Watch more Music Videos at Vodpod.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day - 5/14/2009

2009-05-14T14:16:00.004-04:00

"Superboo" - Kid Cudi

Final day of awful business for exam week, so I'm consolidating posts and throwing my track of the day in with an interesting interview by Kid Cudi courtesy of Pitchfork. Potential collaboration with Swizz, Just Blaze, Ratatat, and Band of Horses are all discussed. Admittedly, Cudi does venture into that "Seriously though I'm so weird can we talk about how WEIRD I am?!?" territory that makes me want to cringe (take note so called "Hipster Hop" artists: You still need the Hip Hop audience to back you, and alienating all of us by faux-alienating yourself doesn't make you cool, it just makes you like every other faux hipster douchebag *COUGH*kanyewest*COUGH*), and this is frustrating because it smacks of condescension toward Hip Hop fans, as though we won't understand different kinds of music unless it comes from a guy wearing an outdated hat, fake glasses and a fox tail. Still, anything that actually gets diverse sounds into a stagnant mainstream deserves at least some support...I just wish artists didn't insist on making it so difficult to, you know, actually like the people who MAKE the music.

Anyway, your track of the day is "Superboo", and it has one of the sexiest Hip Hop music videos ever, which only heightens the sensual sparseness of the track itself. It sounds like sleeping naked on top of the sheets: Aesthetically open and free, all the while indicating an obvious endgame.

Well This Should Be Productive

2009-05-14T13:00:00.002-04:00

I checked RapRadar, and I was wrong; there IS something sadder than two guys who haven't made it starting pointless rap beef. It's worse when two fading stars start taking swipes at each other. For those that missed our earlier post, Joe Budden took offense at VIBE.com's made up tournament for the best rapper of all time, and made a particular point of singling out how he should higher on the list than Method Man. And because east coast Hip Hop is pretty much like an episode of "The Hills" except with, you know, black people (seriously, NONE in a whole region of California, MTV?), Method Man has decided to make a big public showing of how miffed he is by Joe Budden talking behind his back. Great. Maybe next Budden will have the bouncers not let Method Man into his super sweet sixteen party. I can only imagine how hilarious this beef would be if VIBE.com had gone with a "Dreamiest Rapper Of All Time" tournament. There would be burn books involved.

PS: I actually think Budden and Meth could put some quality material together. The slight east coast drawl, the varied lyrical pacing...if anything, Joe Budden is a Method Man for the new school, with a pinch of Jersey chip-on-your-shoulder thrown in. Wait, that would be silly...then East Coast rappers would actually have to want one another to succeed. Instead...QUICK, STAGE A RAP BATTLE TO TAKE PLACE IN AN EMPTY WEBSTER HALL, AND WE'LL CALL IT "NOBODY CARES-OFF 2009: AN AWKWARD SILENCE ODYSSEY"!

I Miss When Rap Execs Used To Choke People More...

2009-05-13T16:58:00.003-04:00

RapRadar reports that in an interview with Complex magazine, douchebag turned bigger douchebag (no we are NOT calling him a rapper, thank you very much) had the following to say about how he and Heidi are the new Jay and Beyoncé...

Complex: You also said, “I’m like the white Jay-Z.” Would you consider Heidi the white Beyoncé?

Spencer Pratt: A little bit more than the white Beyoncé. Beyoncé had to be built by a group like Destiny’s Child, but Heidi shines solo. I’ll actually give you an exclusive: I could guarantee you Speidi’s [Spencer and Heidi's] “Bonnie & Clyde” version is going to stunt on Jay and B’s version.

Choke back on that "Speidi" throw up for one second. Where the hell does anyone get off putting the idea in this kid's head that he and his Penthouse Magazine Barbie Doll are comparable to Beyoncé and Jay? This is more like DMX and Foxy. Eh, maybe Rick Ross and Foxy, or whatever is going on between Nelly and Ashanti (I think he paints her toes and they dish nightly or something). I'm not saying I want anyone to get shot (/obligatory statement needed to tell any jokes about violence in Hip Hop copyright 1996 Suge Knight), but a little gunfire outside of this studio couldn't hurt the overall good in the world.

Ready For All Of Your Hopes For Hip Hop To Be Dashed?

2009-05-13T14:10:00.003-04:00

Souljaboytellem (I will never stop using his full name) recently gave an interview to MTV News about...well, mostly nonsense. Let's break it down:

First, Souljaboytellem insists that his next album will be a dramatic departure from his first two (does that mean "good?") in that he's finally done doing the kiddie stuff and is ready to really be taken seriously. Perhaps nothing in rap pisses me off more than this idea that rappers somehow grow into a new character that completely changes their tone. Yes, rappers do mature (as weird an example as he is, Lil' Wayne works here), but they don't become totally different people. Fat Joe is working on album number 42 (Hey, Did I Tell You About the Time I Knew Big Pun?), and he's pretty much never changed. You are who you are, and in Souljaboytellem's case that is an obnoxious teenager with a knack for silly hooks.

Second, if any of these big names actually reach out to do a track with Souljaboytellem, and it isn't PERFECT, we all need to take a step back and remove a couple of their credibility points. No, I don't want us back in a regional standoff where people don't diversify collaborations, but there was once a time where people wouldn't do a track with just anybody. One more reason why Lil' Wayne's rise to power was great for Wayne, and potentially not so great for Hip Hop (more on that some other time).

Third, STOP SLAPPING YOUR FANS IN THE FACE BY TELLING THEM WHAT THEY WANT! Insisting that you're done with what made you great because fans want more is pretty much pissing on the people that made you famous by calling them dumb. This is a bad thing.

And now I sit and wait for the inevitable music video of Jay-Z telling teenagers to "pop their camel hump" or something equally retarded.

Exam Day

2009-05-12T14:53:00.000-04:00

Back tomorrow with regular posting!

Well That's One Way To Ruin My Appetite

2009-05-11T18:06:00.004-04:00

It's exam week, so I may not get the video "Please Fix This" up (although I'll try), but suffice to say it has something to do with Lil' Kim. I blame her for songs like this. Honestly, this strikes me as one of the few songs you could throw on the computer to make a girl put her clothes back on. I'm a particular fan of Maino's verse, which almost makes me regret ever saying anything nice about him at all. Honestly, I want the lyrics to this thing to be read in every single middle school sex ed class in America; it's probably the most effective "Abstinence Only" programming I've ever heard.

Let's make a general rule: The words "shove" and "dump" should probably be kept as far away from any sort of babymaking music as possible.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day - 5/11/2009

2009-05-11T17:28:00.002-04:00

"Gangsta Stroll" - Newz

Gangsta Stroll - Newz

Once again the benefits of having editorial control come into play, and I get to talk about a rapper that I love and that you should all give a chance. Newz hails from Brooklyn, NY, and has perhaps the most recognizable voice in the city right now. Thanks to being a focus of Irv Gotti on his show "Gotti's Way", everyone is about to become more familiar, which I'm hoping won't change his tone too much from what we find here. Over a sample of the Ohio Players' "Baby Come Back", Newz's gravel throated fire never loses step despite what could have been an odd tempo. Building to fever pitch and returning to an anthemic hook of "Let's Work", this is the mentality New York has needed for a couple of years now. Thank goodness Newz didn't give up over that time.

Joe Budden Definitely Deserved Higher Than #32

2009-05-11T17:21:00.001-04:00

I generally don’t support rappers taking on magazines, because it only makes them look like morons for still buying into the notion that any of these mags still speak for the general Hip Hop audience. Still, it’s always good stuff when Joe Budden yells on people, and his general thrashing of the folks over at VIBE (who have been taking it on the chin lately) over their “Best Rapper Ever” tournament is worth a look.

PS Quantifying music is for box-trapped idiots with their heads in the sand. WOO HOO IVORY TOWER PERSPECTIVE!

There Needs To Be a Better Word For "Loathing"

2009-05-11T16:25:00.003-04:00

Courtesy of sister blog Awfulsome, please welcome the newest entrant into Hip Hop culture, Spencer Pratt. Yeah, the guy from "The Hills". Apparently "We gon' have a problem here". Oh no, did you hear that everybody?!? Spencer Pratt is going to make a problem! Maybe he'll bump chests with me in a prearranged MTV fight scene. I forget who said it first, but this is more proof that the wrong rappers are dying.

Also, whoever produced this needs to be blackballed from even hanging around clubs that PLAY Hip Hop. Watch it be Scott Storch or JR Rotem. Just watch.

No This Does Not Make Up For "Wild'n Out"

2009-05-11T14:09:00.003-04:00

With his wife being verbally slandered (literally, that's the nicest word I can use) by Eminem in his "Bagpipes From Baghdad" (which I will not post here because I like you all too much), Nick Cannon, who was notably absent from XXL's feature on the rookie class of Hip Hop, had the following to say on his blog...

"At first I thought it was old material that had been dug up from when dude “fantasized” about having a pretend fling with Mariah. I was thinking to myself, 'Hey that was before me so it is really none of my business, so I’m going to give him a pass.

So as I continued to semi enjoy Marshall’s rhyme scheme and flow, I mean let’s be honest dude used to be incredible. He was a witty lyrist with dope delivery and timing. Some even say, one of the best to ever do it. I had nothing but respect for this dude. But all of a sudden I hear my name in the verse! My first reaction was like, “This is his new shit??? Wow, that’s too bad…” Then I felt sorry for him because he must really be stuck in the past. Not only has his music not evolved, but also homeboy is still obsessed with my wife, the same female that wouldn’t let him get to second base from 8 years ago! He even describes his desperate lameness in this bad excuse for storytelling track. That’s some real middle school shit right there! (What type of grown ass man lies about getting with a chick) Only Slim Lamey! LOL! "

It's saying something that in a debate between Eminem and Nick Cannon, I am undoubtedly on the side of the man who gave us Drumline. Everything about the new Relapse album screams "gimmick". Furthermore, kudos to somebody for standing up for one of Em's many female targets of wrath. I'm not saying that if a black guy who created a gimmick character said the things Em has said about various women that he would be demonized and probably boycotted until his label released him, but...wait, that's exactly what I'm saying. Do something original, mainstream Hip Hop fans: Don't buy this album.

ThisIs50.com Has a Major News Report That VIBE Sucks (Or: Why Hip Hop Media Is Killing Itself)

2009-05-08T16:28:00.004-04:00

HipHopUpdate reports that the Hip Hop media continues to eat itself alive. This time, ThisIs50.com, apparently VERY pissed off about not being included in Vibe's "Top 50 Blogs" list, ran the following post on VIBE...

According to inside sources, Vibe Magazine is almost on the way out. Vibe's long-run in the game looks to be coming to an end. Sales and subscriptions have been at an all-time low for the past couple of months.

Vibe Magazine used to be a staple in the hip hop community, but ever since Editor-in-Chief Danyel Smith took over, the ship has been slowly sinking. I think we could say that she is single handedly responsible for Vibe Magazine falling apart.

Recently, a story was published in Vibe which listed the Top 50 Hip Hop Blogs out today. If you look at their list, it's clear to see that Vibe has NO CLUE what the kids are looking at. Ever since Danyel took over it seems like Vibe is detached with what's going on in the entertainment world. A magazine that started out as something that hip-hop fans could be proud of has quickly turned into a magazine hip hop fans are ashamed of.

It's a sad day when Vibe Magazine has approximately 130 pages and 70 of those pages are advertisements. As a loyal reader of Vibe magazine, who has followed it and watched the magazine grow for the past couple of years, I hate to say it, but Vibe is on the way out.

On the bright side, hopefully when Danyel Smith is out of a job, she can work with her husband over at Wak Radar. Good luck Elliot!

Here's the thing: This has been going on in the Hip Hop media forever, and it's only gotten worse since the market has turned on both traditional music industry practices and print media. As someone who has worked and written for a couple of Hip Hop mags, it really is the perfect storm of two worlds that have no clue why everything is changing colliding. And the beef between major outlets is pointless: FOCUS ON THE MUSIC OR DIE! Whether or not the report from ThisIs50.com is accurate now, it will be accurate soon for just about every Hip Hop magazine out there. Rather than roll with the times, change their focuses and formats, and find new voices to tap into those lanes, the same kind of cronyism that has been going on in the Hip Hop music business for years is the name of the game in the journalism industry. I wouldn't be surprised to wake up tomorrow and find out Jermaine Dupri will be editing VIBE from now on. The fact that I had editors more excited for me to write about Jazze Pha's internet cooking show than Girl Talk's new album or any of the rookie class of rappers should tell you all you need to know about where Hip Hop journalism is headed right now. Rather than embrace the freedom that comes with expectations being thrown out the window, everyone has been fighting the change and blaming everyone else for the problems. Lame.

Oh, and just to reiterate, the fact that a major internet outlet for Hip Hop news decided that this petty beef was important enough to merit a report only shows that the problems that killed traditional Hip Hop print media are bleeding into the web. Double lame.

Yeah, it's a serious day here. I hate it too. Go listen to a Souljaboytellem track or something to loosen up.

Probably the Best Youtube Clip I've Seen In a Long Time

2009-05-08T14:37:00.005-04:00

Wow. Jay Smooth comes through with what might be the best Hip Hop oriented opinions on race relations with his commentary on the Asher Roth Twitter incident. I can honestly say that this was something I've needed to hear before (and thankfully I have friends who have been willing to say it kindly without the smack on the head that I've deserved). While I'm not sure that this sums up everything that needs to be said about how race relations crosses into contemporary Hip Hop culture (as a white kid who worked in the Hip Hop journalism industry, this issue touches on all sorts of professional credibility issues that you wouldn't believe), this is definitely a step in the right direction and away from the sort of "nothing matters because we're so progressive" attitude that a lot of people of ALL races take when it comes to Hip Hop culture. Really, really, REALLY good stuff, and a must watch for anyone who really loves the culture and what it's done for racial understanding in America.

Okay, NOW I'm done being serious. I promise.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day - 5/8/2009

2009-05-08T13:50:00.002-04:00

"Popcorn" - The Cool Kids

Popcorn - The Cool Kids

For whatever reason, the buzz on these two has slowed down since they smashed onto the scene with "Black Mags", but they've been releasing a steady stream of laid back grime to groove to, and this is no different. Over murky synths and a repeating vocal sample, Mikey Rocks and Chuck Inglish wade through the darkness with lyrical dexterity that gives lie to the overly laid back delivery that has become their signature. Not all indie Hip Hop needs to sound emo, people.

T.I. and the Exercise In Hypocrisy

2009-05-08T12:22:00.004-04:00

RapRadar reports that in an announcement to a radio station, T.I. made clear that he has kicked Alfamega, who was recently outed as a former confidential informant for the police, off of his Grand Hustle label. According to T.I.,

"Even though all our artists and employees are asked by us to be honest and open about their past history, at no time did Alfa disclose to me or Grand Hustle what has now appeared in the media. He essentially deceived us by failing to fully disclose the truth about his past and there is no place in our organization for dishonest and misleading behavior. As I have always said, you must take responsibility for your own actions. We at Grand Hustle can not support or condone the blaming of others for our own mistakes. I hope and pray to God bless his financial plans, but I don’t foresee me or my company playing a role in his personal or professional business. End."

Ugh. You know those people who walk around saying they hate rappers and then justify that kind of a blanket statement with ridiculous examples of ridiculous rappers doing ridiculous things? Yeah, they're gonna have a field day with this. First of all, I'm awfully curious as to how a guy who should have done at least a decade in jail got off with just one year on some serious gun charges (maybe the judge was a fan of "Road To Redemption"?). I don't care how many sofe videos pleading a changed life you make, TIP, somebody said something to stay out of jail. Secondly, it's things like this that make it abundantly clear that Hip Hop music is no longer about the music, at least not in the mainstream. I'm not arguing that Alfamega was any good (he wasn't), but if you want to kick him out of the group, kick him out because he sucks (seriously he sounds so mismatched on "Hurt" I thought he won a contest to get on that track), not because of something he did that was totally unrelated to the music he makes. Yeah, he was a C.I, and Rick Ross was a C.O., and your favorite rapper would run to the cops the MOMENT they felt threatened, because if they were actual gangsters they'd be on the street doing gangster things or in jail. Get beyond the image already.

Okay, I'm off of my soapbox for the day, but I can't be the only one who thinks this is stupid.

Rick Ross Will Fix the Colombian Economy

2009-05-07T15:58:00.002-04:00

You know, Rick Ross, Colombia has enough problems without you bringing your sonic terrorism to their doors. Seriously, I bet this impoverished nation loved a big fat wealthy American to throw money on their women and dance around with his effeminately voiced friend.

Speaking of which, are we over The Dream yet? Dude has two good songs, and has nowhere near enough bass in his voice to be showing chest in videos.

Great Moments In Image Management: Cassie

2009-05-07T14:09:00.004-04:00

Yeah yeah, I know, it's the hack heard around the creepy Hip Hop perv world. But what's MOST impressive here is the PR management. That's right, people, you all need to chill out. I mean, it's not like you all haven't taken random nude photos of yourselves posed seductively for no apparent reason (Is this just something that women do? Am I missing something here?), then put them on your computer in such a way that they would be easily findable by anyone who obtained access to your system (Was it your desktop background, or maybe filed under "Nude Photos Of Myself"?). YOU people are the strange ones.

Souljaboytellem 1, Music 0

2009-05-06T16:08:00.003-04:00

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Turn the Auto-tuner machines off, people; it's all over. PS Bonus points for rhyming "noise" and "floor". The degree of mispronunciation required to pull that off is staggering.

Cam'ron Makes The Times (Hey, Any Publicity...)

2009-05-06T15:16:00.003-04:00

Good review of Cam's NYC show at the Highline Ballroom courtesy of the New York Times. While I'm loathe to agree with anyone who throws "I Hate My Job" in with tracks described as "sluggish" (the economy is sluggish, people, the song just details the signs of the times), it's hard to argue with his perspective that Cam is better off flying solo right now than he is picking up random pieces to form a surrogate Dip Set. More reasons why I'm always loathe to go to solo artist rap concerts unless I know they run a great show.

Is Jay Anorexic?

2009-05-05T16:42:00.005-04:00

Someone get Hova a sandwich, STAT. Also, enough with the ya-cha dressup style, Jay. We get it; you're very mature. But the fine line between maturity and obnoxious condescension? Yeah, you left that behind with the phony reading glasses.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day - 5/5/2009

2009-05-05T16:08:00.003-04:00

"Let's Talk About" - Cam'ron f/ Jadakiss

Yes, I do miss the Dip Set; thanks for asking. Today's track of the day is an advance cut off of Killa's upcoming Crime Pays LP, and the collaboration between him and Jada over a beautifully used sample is the perfect NYC street music. The more I hear from the album, the more confident I become that Crime Pays marks a return to the sparse, angry, sample driven East Coast tone that made his camp so popular when he first introduced us to pink range rovers. Despite their different styles, both Cam and Jada have unique ways of arriving at the same conclusion: Memorable punchlines. This track doesn't disappoint in that regard, with the backdrop only playing up the desperation of two men fighting to keep a coastal style alive.

Doucheopoly

2009-05-05T14:05:00.003-04:00

I'm loathe to put any material from Joe Budden TV on the blog, which tends to make one of my favorite rappers look like a complete douchebag, but here, where he's clearly only the fourth or fifth biggest douchebag in the room (and Irv Gotti is taking up two of those top slots), it's totally OK. The shame of all this is that I can absolutely say I've gotten that heated over a Monopoly game. In fact, I'm not sure I've ever played Monopoly and NOT had a bitter argument with somebody at some point. Oh, and what kind of a douchebag locks down Baltic and Mediterranean for hotels? Boo, sir. You are king of the crackhouses.

And now I need to watch my Tivo'd "Gotti's Way" episode.

50 Cent Hits a New High Water Mark For Excuse Making

2009-05-05T12:41:00.004-04:00

50 Cent chats it up with MTV regarding changes he's made to his upcoming album, Before I Self Destruct, and how those changes combined with a desire to package in a DVD of his self written, produced, and directed film project of the same name have delayed his release date. Yeah, that's the ticket. Really? You wrote and directed a screenplay to avoid having to say "You know, the first single didn't click like we thought it would"? Fading stars are the best.

Please Fix This VIDEO Episode #1: Jack of All Trade Hip Hop Artists

2009-05-04T16:25:00.001-04:00

Please Fix This: Jack of All Trades Hip Hop Artists
by zacsoto

New video segment that we'll be trying to get up every week. Also, if you enjoy this at all, you MUST go check out Zero Punctuation video game reviews over at The Escapist. Probably the funniest webcomic out there, and the inspiration for the new segment.

Enjoy. Suggestions always appreciated.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day - 5/4/2009

2009-05-04T15:21:00.004-04:00

Juelz Santana - Days Of Our Lives from Radio Planet on Vimeo.

Oh I've got something coming for you soon this afternoon, but in the meantime here's a new video from Juelz Santana, "Days of Our Lives," off of Born To Lose, Built To Win. Juelz has kind of gotten lost in the shuffle of Lil' Wayne shooting off into superstardom and rap's rookie class (Wale, Asher Roth, Charles Hamilton, etc...) steadily building buzz, but when he's on, there are few rappers who have the ability to put together an endlessly quotable lyric like Santana does. Borrowing more from his former mentor Cam'ron's style than he would probably like to admit, Juelz bounces from line to line leaving a distinct feeling of fun in his wake, a pleasant alternative to the underlying insanity of contemporary Weezy. Consider my interest piqued.

At His Darkest, Eminem Still Wants You To Giggle At Kim Kardashian

2009-05-04T13:48:00.002-04:00

For those of you still clinging to the hope that Eminem hasn’t devolved into a complete parody of himself, I present to you the video for “3AM”, off of his upcoming Relapse LP. Calling this over the top would be an understatement; this is pretty much what “horror core” rap was supposed to be. Also, when did Em start having to yell all of his songs? Is he concerned that we won’t believe he’s crazy unless he’s screaming hooks about murdering McDonald’s employees and patrons at full volume (that’ll get them moving in the clubs)? Oh, and just in case the twelve year olds don’t care about this kind of dark, creepy imagery, there’s still a Kim Kardashian joke in there, so HE’S STILL RELEVANT AND BUY HIS ALBUM (/interscope takeover). One more reason to be sad, not happy, that Em’s coming back.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day - 5/1/2009

2009-05-01T16:34:00.002-04:00

"Wait Your Turn" - Bobby Ray (F.K.A B.o.B)

As I sift through 2009's Rap Rookie Class, I'm finding myself pleasantly surprised by many of the MC's that seem to be sneaking onto the radar (Asher Roth) and disappointed in the more hyped members of the new school (Charles Hamilton, Wale...). Consider this my second positive inkling toward B.o.B, now going by Bobby Ray. Eminem once asked the MC if there was anything he couldn't do, and the genre bending style of this track suggests there was reason to ask. No, it's not the sort of straighforward Hip Hop that most purists prefer, but this particular crop of MCs seems to be all about searching for new directions to take the music, and this this fun blend of dance, rap, and electro-pop is distinctly urban even as it straddles various sounds. Throw in some clever bars, and I'm intrigued by what else Bobby Ray has to offer.

Wedding News Bits

2009-05-01T15:32:00.005-04:00

Happy Anniversary wishes to Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, who celebrated one year of wedded bliss yesterday. The photo above is really touching. Like all good nannies, Mariah knows not to let the kids handle sharp objects.

Also, apparently RapRadar has inside info on how Nas and Kelis have split up, with the rumor being that Nas's verbal abuse and cheating have driven the couple to divorce. That's right, everyone whose been on the Kelis tip since "Caught Out There", it's time to step your rap game up, because THIS is back in single play...

I'm getting my pen and pad right now.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day - 4/30/2009

2009-04-30T17:17:00.002-04:00

"That'll Work" - Alchemst f/ Three 6 Mafia, Juvenile

Ever since that wildly inconsistent Shady Records compilation album, I've been intrigued with the idea of what Alchemist could do with a full stable of varied rappers. Consider me a believer after this leak from his upcoming Chemical Warfare. Proving that his sound, which has already worked on the right and left coasts, can be equally effective down botom, there's a violent menace behind the whirring beeps and breathing that drive this beat. Doubters of the power of producers need only listen to Juvenile's verse, in which Juve hits a double-time flow with a simmering, arrogant anger that hasn't shown itself since...well, ever. Throw in a perfectly matched Triple Six and you get a return to the dirty south's roots of southern fried rage.

Asher Roth - "Be By Myself" (video)

2009-04-30T14:33:00.002-04:00

The polarizing hate I keep hearing when this dude's name gets mentioned only makes me want to post more of his material, particularly when it keeps leaning a little to the left and features the kind of creative, theme driven wordplay found here. Throw in a catchy as hell Cee-Lo track (the man is bigger than "Crazy," people), and there's no reason why Asher Roth isn't proving himself to be a major player among rap's young guns. Hell, at least he's less annoying than Charles Hamilton; the bar is THAT low, right now.

Why So Serious, Wayne?

2009-04-30T13:42:00.000-04:00

The MTV Vault Unlocked by AT&T

Courtesy of HipHopUpdate, here’s a video from the MTV vaults featuring Mannie Fresh and Lil’ Wayne circa 2004. Just in case you forgot how good and COHERENT Wayne was before he devolved into a haze of weed, sizzurp, and image management, check a lively, upbeat, and not so serious Lil’ Wayne. There’s a reason I listen to this cut more than any one track off of Tha Carter III..

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day - 4/29/2009

2009-04-29T18:33:00.002-04:00

“Paper Touchin” (rmx) – Red Cafe f/ Jadakiss, Fabolous, Cassidy, Ace Hood

Paper Touchin Remix - Red Cafe

Slow day filled with real world work, but I’ve gotten a lot of questions regarding Red Cafe since this morning’s post on him joining the label where New York rappers go to become ghostwriters. For those who missed it, here’s the all star remix to his first big smash, “Paper Touchin”. The rare synth driven track that has an East Coast swagger (Zukhan, who also produced the mega hit “We Fly High,” appears to have a knack for these tracks), the song works on a lot of different levels, from its catchy hook to its dexterous wordplay to its all star guest list. There’s a reason I’m so frustrated that Puff is about to bury this kid.

Red Cafe Decides That Releasing an Album Really Is the Most Overrated Part Of Being an Artist

2009-04-29T14:12:00.003-04:00

RapRadar reports that Brooklyn’s Red Cafe, the rapper behind the New York hit “Paper Touchin” and whose current single “Hottest In the Hood” has gotten all kinds of buzz, is on the verge of inking a joint venture deal for his upcoming album with Bad Boy and Akon’s Konvict Music. I mention this only to say the following: WHY ARE NEW YORK RAPPERS STILL DOING THIS TO THEMSELVES?!?!? Did NOBODY see what has happened to every NYC act on Diddy’s label since Black Rob’s “Whoa”? Rob’s underrated “The Black Rob Report” got zero promotion despite being a quality product, Aasim is going to go down as the best East Coast rapper to never get a major label release (GO LISTEN TO “And You Say NYC” RIGHT NOW!), Loon was last spotted by Jim Jones selling prepaid cell phones, and G-Dep had to rob a cab in order to pay the rent.

My point is that regardless of what you think about Diddy as a person or as a businessman, it’s VERY clear that his priorities read something like this…

1. Diddy’s albums
2. Putting together boy bands
3. Have Donnie Klang wash the Bentley
4. Inexplicably force Yung Joc down America’s collective throat
5. Eat a delicious sandwich.
…
10024. Ma$e’s second comeback album.
10025. New York rappers.

Congratulations, Red Cafe. I’m sure you’ll be the most interesting Ghostwriter involved with Last Train to Paris.

Trailer for Gotti's Way Prominently Features Newz and YES YOU CARE ABOUT THIS SO SHUTUP!

2009-04-28T17:44:00.003-04:00

Gotti's Way Season 2 Trailer (www.missinfo.tv) from Miss Info on Vimeo.

Forget for a minute that Irv Gotti is a relatively ridiculous human being and his label was the first victim of 50 Cent’s rise to power (RIP Ja Rule). Right now, as indicated by this trailer for VH1’s upcoming season of “Gotti’s Way,” Irv is working with Newz, who has been a personal favorite for a LONG time and has the tools to be the next big thing out of New York. If you slept on his “Takeover” mixtape series, shame on you, because its bar after gritty bar of heat that sounds like a cross between Biggie and DMX (yes, I said it). I’ll be keeping up with this just to see what’s going on with the kid’s album.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day - 4/28/2009

2009-04-28T15:32:00.004-04:00

"Hands In the Air" - Girl Talk

For the uninitiated, I'm pleased that a slew of sub par new music gives me the opportunity to hype up personal favorite Girl Talk. A DJ who takes influences from rock, Hip Hop, and top 40 radio, Girl Talk mashes together the source material to create music that is diverse, irresistibly danceable, and unquestionable urban in sound. Calling this guy a mash up DJ is like calling Michelangelo a guy who played with rocks.

Clipse + Cam Collabo Craziness

2009-04-28T14:09:00.003-04:00

MTV is reporting that the Clipse’s upcoming Till the Casket Drops will have at least one high profile guest appearance courtesy of Cam’ron. Entitled “Back by Popular Demand”, Pusha T highlights the significance of the title by explaining that “Cam has been away from the scene. The want for the Clipse is high. It’s just, like, ‘Back by Popular Demand’ is fitting.”

Personally, I could not be more excited for this project. “Kinda Like a Big Deal” proved that the duo hadn’t lost their touch, but more importantly spoke volumes about the nature of this album with regard to the greater Hip Hop landscape. Considering the amount of discussion surrounding the contributors to this LP by much more high profile producers and artists, it feels like people are seeing the significance of this project outside of the potential for mainstream appeal. That is to say, artists like Cam, Swizz, and Kanye are jumping on board not because it can raise their profiles, but because they recognize the potential of a project like this to raise the profile of Hip Hop as a whole.

R Kelly Has To Be Messing With Us Now, Right?

2009-04-27T15:24:00.002-04:00

Seriously, the man wrote "I Believe I Can Fly". The last couple of years have to be part of the most elaborate joke ever played on music fans. Also, who is OJ Da Juiceman and why is everyone working with the guy? Is this a Ron Browz "I have pictures of you doing something awful" situation? And how could that work on R Kelly? A jury of twelve people already gave the man a thumbs up for a watersports video; I'm pretty sure there's nothing left to fear but fear itself.

Lil' Wayne Should Host the View Forever

2009-04-27T14:15:00.004-04:00

Lil’ Wayne really needed to rethink the style he chose for “The View” considering how close he was going to be sitting near Whoopi Goldberg. No lie, Weezy is looking so androgynous it’s like there were never multiple photos of him kissing a fully grown man to whom he was not related on the lips (BUT THERE WERE! THERE SO WERE!). Anyway, the current President of Hip Hop tossed on his Elvis Costello meets Ellen Degeneres outfit and talked to the ladies about pretty much nothing. I honestly don’t know what the most annoying part of this interview is. The implication that because someone partakes in drugs and alcohol that he necessarily relies on them for all aspects of his life (you stay classy, Hassy)? The discussion of Weezy’s diamond orthodontist work (the ultimate f**k you to recession victims)? The use of Lil’ Wayne as a symbol for the value of education? Yeah, actually, that last part is the most annoying part. No questions. Obama should have made this guy his cultural liaison instead of Kal Penn.

Oh, and he also performed that AWFUL single from his upcoming rock album that isn’t a rock album except he clearly calls it a rock album here. It's like he's gargling sizzurp while singing into an Auto-tuner. Sorry, I meant "singing" into an Auto-tuner. I apologize for every negative thing I said about 808’s and Heartbreak. That was like the collected masterworks of Mozart compared to what this is shaping up to be.

DMX Hates Your Childhood Memories Of Rap Music

2009-04-27T01:23:00.005-04:00

The year is 1998. You’ve just watched another overproduced video with flossy New York rappers talking about a good life that just doesn’t exist for most Hip Hop artists or fans. Suddenly, your screen goes a gritty black and white, and a gravel-voiced monster is daring you to come after him. It’s edgy, it’s a little scary, and it’s the perfect alternative to a rap business that seems to have lost all connection to the streets from which it came.

Fast forward to 2009, and that same man, DMX, is about to do a VH1 reality show. According to Radar Online, the 38-year-old rapper, real name Earl Simmons, will be a cast member on the third season of “Celebrity Rehab”.

I guess the real question that jumps out to me is whether or not we were wrong when we crowned X one of the leaders of the new school back in the late 90’s instead of admitting that maybe, just maybe, he was a one trick pony. I get that other high profile names who came up at the same time have faded into relative obscurity, but you won’t see Cam’ron or Ja Rule arguing with Arian from “Tough Love” about who left the toilet seat up. Oh, and before anyone jumps in with, "But he's making a positive life change!", take a deep breath and realize that there are plenty of celebrities who do rehab without turning their dignity into VH1 dollars. Scott Storch has too much pride to go this route, and he produced Paris Hilton's LP. The real shame is that someone with X’s ability to make the streets listenable is exactly what Hip Hop needs, and instead of mentoring or providing an example to up and coming artists, one of our elder statesmen is going to wind up crying into Dr. Drew’s shirt.

Rick Ross: Marketing Genius (I know, it weirds me out too)

2009-04-24T12:19:00.005-04:00

Ask me why I think Rick Ross will survive the 50 Cent onslaught, and I'll point to tracks like "Valley of Death" and videos like this, highlighting that Rick Ross recognizes that the image wars are really much, much, MUCH smaller than people think. In reality, people want to know they can relate to someone, and that and the music are ALL they care about. Mark my words, if Ross had done stuff like this and the third verse on "Valley of Death" when the C.O. thing broke, it would have been old news in a week. Also, smart move by Asher Roth to ink up with someone who's got a bigger buzz due to his mainstream status.

Eject: Ron Browz

2009-04-23T19:42:00.001-04:00

"Eject" is a feature in which The Professional Haters pick one artist that they will no longer listen to under any circumstances, for any reason, until further notice.

Ron Browz,

It would be one thing if you were unoriginal. That would suck, but we’re not out there crucifying mixtape rappers left and right, so it’s forgivable. It would be another, entirely worse thing if you were untalented. Plies has been making money for three albums straight at this point, so clearly we’re over the whole “talent” fad. But with you, we get the perfect storm to ruin Hip Hop for an entire coast, because you’re not just unoriginal (I’d say you were copying T-Pain, but that’s giving you too much credit…you’re copying bad copies of copies of T-Pain), and you’re not just untalented (yeah, that one beat you keep talking about, dubbing yourself the “Ether Boy”, it was so-so…we cared about Nas, not the track). It’s that YOU ARE EVERYWHERE!!!

I’m stunned that this has happened. Who let you out from the mediocre booth you were running? Do you have pictures of every single gay rapper? At this point, I’m pretty sure everyone who appears on a track with you has a dark, terrible secret (Noreaga got that fat by eating children, for example). How is it that we’ve been able to deal with three entire albums of Auto-tune madness from T-Pain, but one hook from you makes me want to smash my head between my laptop monitor and keyboard until I go deaf? Hey, here’s a key concept to understand: IF YOU PUT BAD SINGING INTO AN AUTOTUNER IT COMES OUT AS BAD NOTES, NOT AS MUSIC TO ANYONE’S EARS. Your work sounds like an Auto-tuned slaughter of wild boars. I would rather listen to the throat cancer guy from those NY Stop Smoking commercials sing on a hook than put up with one more awful second of your career.

Click. You’re ejected.

"Piss On You" Was Less Hilarious Than This

2009-04-23T15:41:00.003-04:00

Apparently, having a jury of your peers tell you that they're pretty much cool with you peeing on their kids will make you feel pretty invincible. At least, that's the only reason I can see for R. Kelly releasing his latest single "#1 Fan," which professes his desire to "make love to his number one fan." Kells, you tried that already, and you made the sort of mess that stops being cool once you turn seven. Ease up on the fan interaction, buddy.

His next single is tentatively titled "No, seriously, I'm not lying, you have a jellyfish sting and I NEED to do this to save you!"

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day, 4-23-2009

2009-04-23T13:27:00.004-04:00

"Welcome 2 Houston" - Slim Thug

Not much good new stuff out, so I'm reaching back a month or two to highlight this gem off of Slim Thug's most recent release, Boss of All Bosses. Pulling together just about every significant MC from the Houston area, Slim gives his whole region an opportunity to shine over a beautifully murky soundscape filled with growling synths. THIS UNIFIED FOCUS ON MAKING MUSIC AND CREATING BUZZ IS WHY THE SOUTH WON THE WAR AND WHY NEW YORK ISN'T COMING BACK ANY TIME SOON. Because, you see, so and so's problems with what's his face who said something or other about such and such is more important than building everyone's rep. Bunch of middle school girls out here...

Fab and Budden Need To Hug It Out, According To Interviewer

2009-04-23T03:07:00.004-04:00

There might not be anything more awkward going on in Hip Hop than this interview with Fabolous regarding a previous relationship with Joe Budden’s girlfriend turned KING cover girl, Tahiry. My favorite part is when this interviewer (where they found this genius is anybody’s guess, but maybe someone should tell her that having a boob pretty much falling out is not going to get her the gig on CNN) asks Fab is he and Joe ever “talk about it.” Because there’s nothing any guy likes more than a conversation that starts, “So, about that time I smashed your girlfriend.”

GO FOR TAHIRY PHOTO!

Funk Flex Hs Opinions and You Should Listen Because...

2009-04-22T16:13:00.005-04:00

Everyone's favorite radio DJ and Hip Hop philosopher Funkmaster Flex, who is pretty much our mascot around here, went absolutely insane on Interscope records recently. Yep, there's nothing that Hip Hop fans need to hear more than a fat DJ talking about his personal problems with a record executive. Well, besides a record about a "stanky leg". COMPELLING RADIO! I defy you to explain to me what he's going on about in this clip. I'm inspired to do a podcast ranting against Mindy in my graduate school's student services office for taking so long with a scheduling request I made.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day, 4-22-2009

2009-04-22T14:15:00.002-04:00

"It's My Time" - Fabolous f/ Jeremih

Its My Time (Feat. Jeremih) - Fabolous

Apologies for the late start; the real world is getting crazy. Anyway, I'm giving the tentative recommendation to this track from Fabolous, apparently the single from his upcoming Loso's Way. As has been the case with his last few albums, it's a pretty solid single from Fab, who has been nothing if not breathtakingly talented. Bending his flow to match the track, Fab shows versatility without overreaching for crossover appeal. Throw in a quotable hook from Jeremih and a pacing, anthemic beat, and this one has been sticking with me, even if it is a different look. And so it begins again, with me raising my expectations for a Fabolous album, even though the last several have been the equivalent of a foie gras appetizer followed by a fart in the face for a main course.

MPTOTD, 4-21-2009

2009-04-21T19:07:00.004-04:00

Chester French. Have you heard of them? All of you MTV fans out there...(A.K.A. the studio audience of Last Call with Carson Daly) have definitely seen them around. Most people with internet access have probably also heard of them, as they have managed to self-promote themselves in every internet networking site available. Lead singer D.A. has set a record for Twitters Per Minute, and there really is no beating Max's Puppy Vlog. Whether or not their music is great, it is impressive that they have come from Pharrell's Star Trak label, where new artists go to sit around and have their talent wasted, and made a name for themselves. So today, with their album coming out, I have chosen a song from their Clinton Sparks mixtape featuring P.Diddy. Check it out.

Thankfully, There Is Plenty Of Fat Joe To Go Around

2009-04-21T18:43:00.005-04:00

Expand that spotlight, stagehand, because Fat Joe is back in it and talking about his upcoming release, J.O.S.E 2 (more on THAT stupidity later...). According to Joey ~~Brownies~~ Crack, he's got the banger of the summer, which should push this album to about 50,000 just like all of his other bangers whose success was due to someone else (Joe needs to be sending handwritten Christmas cards every year from now to forever to Scott Storch). According to Joe...

This one song called “Congratulations.” It’s going to be a summer banger. It’s just about how everybody who wants to be famous has to be careful what you wish for. Look at Chris Brown and Rihanna. They’re trying to get their life together. They got paparazzi and everybody all on them now, so it’s like you got to be careful with what you wish for. I mean, unfortunately there’s domestic violence going around in this country, and around the world every single day. Some couples get a chance to work it out. Get back together. Now they in the cameras. Everybody wants to be famous. You have to be ready to deal with consequences.

Right, because THAT'S who domestic violence is the worst for: Celebrities who have the media talking about it all the time. The thousands of cases that go unreported by men and women outside of the spotlight need to understand that the real villain here is the paparazzi, not the slack jawed moron who is hitting them. Because it's the camera flashes that are giving people black eyes, right? And what does the end of the quote even mean? "Everybody wants to be famous"? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that Rihanna's five year plan didn't include a police photo that looks like she just took on Mike Tyson. Outside of the commisioner of the Male-Female Boxing Association and professional sports, there might not be dumber opinions on domestic violence than those of mainstream rappers.

"RELAPSE" Album Cover

2009-04-21T15:58:00.003-04:00

It's a shame that an album cover this cool is going to have its sales fate decided by whether or not a bunch of 13 year olds laugh enough at Sarah Palin jokes and making fun of Lindsay Lohan.

Day26 Has a "Smash List" That They Must Write In Their Dream Diaries

2009-04-21T15:25:00.004-04:00

Don't you have to be cooler than these guys before you can do the Hip Hop misogyny thing? Hey ladies, feel like having a man who wears stupid hats "put it on you"? Well hopefully you're one of the women on Day26's "smash list", which DJ Vlad, the master of taking advantage of the fact that rappers and R&B singers don't know when to shut up, has captured for your enjoyment. Honestly, are any women actually into these guys? There's the fat guy, the guy with the funny voice, the guy who looks like the guy with the funny voice but wears stupid hats, the guy who cries all the time, and the one who is the best looking by virtue of a war of attrition. Is that getting any lady out there all hot and bothered, let alone Megan F*&#ing Good?!? As a matter of fact, I can imagine each of the women responding with a disgusted "EEWWWWWW" after finding out they're on this list.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day, 4-21-2009

2009-04-21T10:13:00.002-04:00

"Tryna Make It" - Bobby Creekwater f/ Stat Quo, Sandman

For those of you who didn't pick up Eminem's mediocre compilation release a couple of years ago, the one thing you missed out on was Em's surprisingly talented southern pickups. We've already talked about Stat Quo, but Bobby Creekwater represents an equal, if different, take on strong southern lyricism, more Big Boi than Scarface (yeah, they're big comparisons, but what's wrong with rappers aiming for legends rather than easily imitatable hitmakers?). On this marching, upbeat track by D.Focis, Creek, Stat, and former Re-Up Gang member Sandman flex some heavy lyrical muscle, and make as strong a case for Eminem getting behind their releases (as opposed to playing lame dress up games in parody videos) as can be made.

Keith Murray + Canibus = FIREWORKS, BIKINIS AND CANDY!!!

2009-04-20T16:34:00.005-04:00

From the “The Truth Is Dumber Than Fiction” department comes the news that Keith Murray and Canibus will be teaming up to release a collaborative album on Sound Records and Entertainment, which I’m now 100% convinced is a money laundering operation. In a HipHopDX exclusive interview, Murray details how sad it is that a lifetime of being a general dick has made it hard to do business (cue sad violins) and how excited he is for him and Canibus to work together on You Didn’t Buy This. Ok, that name is a joke, but the feds should look into any record store that stocks these in inventory as taking part in some sort of illegal operation, because I can’t for the life of me think of a good excuse for that kind of behavior.

And now, because I have time, alternative titles for this world-beater of an album:

That “Tree Falls In The Forest” Zen Riddle: The Album

The Ultimate Obscure-Off

You Know You Recognized Me When I Was Behind You In Line At The Bus Station And It Was NOT Cool That You Ignored Me: The Album

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day, 4-20-2009

2009-04-20T14:51:00.005-04:00

"Kinda Like a Big Deal" - Clipse f/ Kanye West

Keep trying to hate on these guys, mainstream fans and sheep of major label trends, but there's a reason why every single Hip Hop artist with even a shred of credibility or talent wants to work with Pusha T and Malice. Happy days are here again for The Professional Haters, as over a smoky, gritty track by DJ Khalil everyone's favorite powder pushing pair spits venom as they declare their return to greatness after wandering in the wilderness. Hell, even Kanye proves his worth as a rapper by putting down the autotuner and amping his braggadocio game up to level 11 to keep pace with the brothers Thornton. Guarantee you leave the track reciting at least five different lines later today, which means that the Clipse are BACK, BABY!!!

Scott Storch Going To Jail For the Love Of Lil' Kim

2009-04-20T12:42:00.004-04:00

There was once a time when Scott Storch seemed to rule the world, a time filled with soulless deep-string based dance tracks and Fat Joe (and that dude can really fill up a time). But courtesy of a report via Uncutmag.net we now know that time has passed, and has instead been replaced by douchebags committing douchebaggy crimes rather than simply living the douchebaggy good life. Storch has been taken to a Broward County Court in Florida on charges of Grand Theft Auto, resulting from a Bentley purchased for Lil’ Kim that Storch failed to pay for in its entirety. Because any time you can buy a six figure automobile for a used up has-been whore who looks like the kind of burn victim that makes other burn victims think “Wow, that could have been ME,” you really have to go into massive debt to do it.

Lil' Scrappy Releases Song With And Dates Lovita Jenkins

2009-04-16T15:43:00.003-04:00

Man, they really should have coordinated the whole smile/not-smiling thing there. Fans of "The Steve Harvey Show" will be pleased to know that Lil' Scrappy, The Prince of the South, has begun a loving relationship with Lovita Jenkins (lower right in the photo below)...

Alright, I'm kidding, but he has released this abomination of a track called "Phone Tag" with his girlfriend Diamond, who brags about having sex with his friends. Ever imagine what would happen if you made a track using every sound effect key on your 1990's keyboard? Wonder no more.

This DTP investment is looking better every day. I wish it were a publicly traded company so that the federal government could bail it out and make Lil' Scrappy the Prince of America, just like he already is in our hearts.

Mos DOOM?

2009-04-16T14:16:00.010-04:00

Thought this was interesting. Everyone knows that emcees all start out at some point in their lives memorizing their favorite emcee's lyrics, but that seems to just go away after a while. It gives the impression that they have simply stopped listening to other music. That's because they are better than everyone that ever lived. Ever (Lupe not knowing ATCQ lyrics for their honorary show, I'm looking at you). Which is why this is a cool video. Mos Def rattles off MF DOOM lyrics like they were religious teachings while chilling in the studio. Anyone that keeps up with Mos on youtube might have already seen videos of him covering "Rainbows," but this is another level of fan-dom. It's not like DOOM is a Big Daddy Kane or Rakim whose lyrics you HAVE to know. He's supposed to be the nerd rapper (he is the nerd rapper). But, as Mos Def lets everyone know, his lyrics are hilarious and crazy. Props to Mos. DOOM is another story that I will get into shortly.

Lil' Wayne About To Do His Former Friends a REALLY Big Favor...

2009-04-16T13:34:00.006-04:00

According to RapRadar, Juvenile himself has confirmed that there is a Hot Boys reunion album coming down the pike. Now, far be it from me to say we should be taking the word of anyone who allows THIS to be his Wiki face to the world...

...but considering that we've heard every Hot Boy talk about this (except for Turk, who I can only imagine will continue his streak of blindingly stupid decisions by not signing on) this seems like a pretty safe bet. To which we, as Hip Hop fans who grew up when Cash Money changed the music landscape by combining gritty southern reality with undeniably fun beats, can let out a collective "meh." It's not that I don't like any of the rappers involved. Juvenile is always good for a single or two, Lil' Wayne is one of the few rappers whose larger than life persona doesn't overpower the quality of his substance, B.G. is like the ugly dog that only I can make fun of because dammit he's MY ugly dog, and Turk...well...he manages to stay out of everyone's way well enough. It's just that it's been a decade since their last real release (Let 'Em Burn is the Rocky V of Cash Money releases). Sure reunions for a track or two are nice, but nostalgia is like Pixie Stix or Jaeger; one or two tastes can be fun but force a whole bunch and you just get sick of the whole thing. Not saying I won't give it a listen, but it's kind of sad that we've all moved on when none (or maybe one) of these guys have.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day, 4-16-2009 FIXED

2009-04-16T11:52:00.005-04:00

"Valley of Death" - Rick Ross

UPDATE: imeem, because it hates promotion, is only playing 30 seconds of this thing. Download the full thing from zShare HERE.

Why is it that rappers wait until their career is at almost insurmountable risk to put together material that is better than anyone ever thought they could release? With the prison guard rumors confirmed and 50 Cent out for his blood, Rick Ross (RAWSSS!) takes a beautiful soundscape and uses it to draw his line in the sand against a hostile world. Sidestepping arrogance and instead striking on persevering assurance, Ross celebrates the triumph of simply fighting to survive. Between this, "Mafia Music", and "The Usual Suspects", I can't be the only one who's curious just what Ross has cooking on Deeper Than Rap, right?

(h/t HHU)

Please Fix This: You Must Be THIS Cool To Beef...

2009-04-15T14:29:00.004-04:00

Look, I'm as big a fan of (non-violent) beef as much as the next Hip Hop fan. Jay-Z vs. Nas gave us some really great diss tracks. 50 Cent vs. Ja Rule gave 50 Cent the undercurrent of brutality that makes him so entertaining to watch battle, if only because you know he'll destroy careers. Cam'ron vs. anybody equals delightful simplicity (okay, I'm in the tank for Cam, but only because entertainment is something sorely missing from most Hip Hop today). The point is that given the right mix of history, notoriety, and diversity of sytles, rap beefs aren't the enemy of good music. On the contrary, they can bring a different flavor into whichever climate they enter.

But rap beef is NOT the silver bullet to give a heretofor unknown rapper the precious notoriety he thinks he needs if he's going to sell albums. No, rapper with eight mixtapes and no workable lead singles off of your album that nobody knows anything about, I don't care that you've got a problem with that other rapper who's got some insufferable nickname and a blog where he releases music that his label wasn't excited enough about to get behind. In fact, it only makes you less likable. If I wanted to listen to some rapper talk about rappers that he's better than, I'd go listen to someone who has ALREADY MADE IT. This is like listening to the line cook at McDonalds brag about how much better he is than the drive thru attendant; sure there may be differences between the positions , and one may even be "better" to some people, but it's hardly anything to put on your resume and it's a pretty lame "hill" to be king of.

Yes, I know 50 Cent became an overnight sensation in the midst of his rivalry with Ja Rule, but he didn't really gain success before the backing of Eminem and a major mainstream hit. But for that, he'd be on mixtape number twenty-one, The Murder is Murdered, Murderly. A little bit of buzz doesn't get bigger because of manufactured controversy with other rappers with a little bit of buzz, it only means that both parties will be releasing music that only their current, narrow fan base cares about. Going after someone who isn't that big of a deal makes you look like a dick, and doing so before you're that big of a deal makes you look like an unfocused dick. Work on perfecting your own music before you start imitating rappers who are past where you're currently idling.

Oh, and stand up. You are not Bill Cosby, and you still owe these people a show. Lazy sweaty douchebag.

Spread the Virus

2009-04-15T11:53:00.004-04:00

Out today for your wearing pleasure, we're issuing our first official The Professional Haters t-shirts. Available in various colors, styles, and in men's and women's sizes, they're the best way to let everyone know that you're not just consuming the culture; you're out to change the game. Check out the various designs below, and click on a design to be taken to our store. Your purchase supports our efforts here! Enjoy!

And ladies, don't think we forgot about you! Slim fit sizes available below...

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day, 4-15-2009

2009-04-15T01:19:00.002-04:00

"His Dream" - Asher Roth f/ Miguel
DOWNLOAD HERE (h/t HHU)

His Dream (Feat. Miguel) - Asher Roth

I swore to myself I wasn't going to buy the Asher Roth hype. For whatever reason, despite the hype, everything about him felt like a reach to appeal to suburban rap fans by virtue of the fact that, hey, he's FROM the suburbs (label execs pronounce "subtle" sounding out the "B" every single time). Still, after being impressed by several advance offerings from his release Asleep In the Bread Aisle, this particular cut has been looping over and over in my head. The rare Hip Hop offering to fathers, Asher completely eschews playfulness in favor of an honest, solemn tribute to his father. The beautiful result lingers with the listener long after the final hook has ended. I'm loathe to draw the comparison for obvious reasons, but Eminem could learn something from a rapper deliberately avoiding becoming a gimmick in order to highlight talent that would otherwise be obscured.

Lil’ Wayne Would Like To Dance the Sweet Dance Of Seduction With You B**ches

2009-04-14T19:19:00.006-04:00

In what reads like the writings of the Marquis de Sade as interpreted by Uncle Luke, Bossip has obtained Lil’ Wayne’s recent interview with Playboy about his sex life. And trust me when I tell you, it’s everything you hoped it would be. Some highlights…

On when he lost his virginity…

“I was 11 and the girl was 13…I tried to push her off me…”

Got that? Lil’ Wayne was such a G that he was letting girls take ADVANTAGE of him, yo. That is game.

On his sexual prowess…

“I would say what makes me good in bed is that I am not aiming to be good. I am not expecting the chick to be like, ‘Oh, he was good.’”

I think I read that in the Kama Sutra, where the key to truly connecting with your partner is to discount her perspective on the situation entirely. Remember, fellas, it’s your time, you do what you want with it.

On multiple partners…

“I think the most I’ve done before is five. I don’t do groupies. I am not the groupie type.”

Yes, those five women were clearly women Wayne respected as individuals. Even better is when he describes how he sends two girls out to find two or three others. Everyone involved there makes Superhead look like Eleanor Roosevelt.

On his favorite part of the female anatomy…

“The eyes. The eyes are the window of the soul. You look into a woman’s eyes—especially in that moment of having sex or making love—and you can see the truth…”

Well that’s beautiful. It’s nice to know that even a man with Wayne’s history can still…

“…that’s better than a bitch telling me she’s coming!”

…Never mind.

Finally, there’s this classic. I’ll just let it speak for itself…

“I will never tell anyone the count, but I never lost count and that’s on my daddy’s soul. I got it documented and it’s my secret. It’s just in my head. I remember it like music to me. I’ve been doing it to someday say that I’ve been with this many women and I have nothing, no disease. I just want to show that you can have that much sex and be able to protect yourself that damn much.”

Bow Wow Has Seen All There Is To See

2009-04-14T15:33:00.008-04:00

Why, ye gods? WHY? After a staggering “17-year career” (Wait a minute. Wasn’t his first concert at the age of 7? Math Fail.), Bow Wow has finally seen and done it all. Apparently, the last item on his music to-do list was “have an album completely flop.” After what could be generously described as a lackluster performance for his “New Jack City II” (See? He ISN’T just copying Lil’ Wayne. Tha Carter II was a GOOD album), our favorite angsty young rapper has called it quits. Again.

“This is my last album because for me, there’s no more that needs to be done on the music side, I’ve done everything.”

That's right. Everything. He's released an early album that was overrated; he's released capable, if at times underwhelming material; his most recent work has been sub par, and he released an abomination of an album with an R&B singer. He's like bizarro Jay-Z.

Meanwhile, this is most unfair to us, the fans. Did we turn on you when you decided to stop being “Lil” and start becoming a big crybaby ? Did we stop loving you when you dumped Ciara for a close and undeniably sketchy man-crush with Omarion? What about when the Game pimp-slapped you in Madden ’09 ? What about when you came crawling back to estranged onetime father-figure Jermaine Dupri, only to release a piece of…well, you get the picture. You want to hang up your microphone? Fine. I’m hanging up my Bow Wow fan club ID chain.

Not to worry, though, Bow Weezy has other plans in store…

“It’s time for me to be Bow Wow the actor.”

…which I’m assuming means we’re finally going to get the much needed sequel to “Roll Bounce.” I, for one, thought the cliffhanger ending left open a lot of deep, unsettling questions about the growth of his character. As far as Bow Wow’s future acting prospects go:

“The scary thing is I’m 22 years old. I’m young. I’m still a baby.”

We completely agree. Hey, maybe Omarion will retire to pursue his lifelong dream of asking you if you're going to finish that sandwich.

(Kudos to new TPH cohort Mac for the post)

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day, 4-14-2009

2009-04-14T14:15:00.002-04:00

"Got Till It's Gone" - Janet Jackson f/ Q-Tip

Got Till Its Gone - Janet Jackson

Put this up on the Twitter feed over the weekend, but seeing as there's nothing new catching my attention, this seems worth spreading to the masses. Truly great music from Janet and Q-Tip, and I think it sets a good standard for a comfortable marriage of rap and R&B.

What the Hell Happened To Eminem's Eyes?

2009-04-14T13:56:00.004-04:00

What Photoshop artist thought that turning Eminem into a half-Asian whose eyes are so wide apart that they result in an alien skull? This will sit in your nightmares. Fun coincidence: I feel like going Punisher on everyone involved with "We Made You".

Viral marketing or a poor use of resources? MPTOTD, 4-13-09

2009-04-13T16:22:00.006-04:00

We Be - Tanya Morgan

Tanya Morgan is a rap group. They are a pretty good rap group, in fact, and they have an album coming out on May 12th entitled Brooklynati. That's a fusion of Brooklyn and Cincinnati, the two cities the different members of the group call home. A few days ago TM launched the website for their new album: www.brooklynati.com. Check it out. I can guarantee you will be either very confused or amazed. Amazed at the sheer amount of work that went in to creating a website (and linking websites) for their completely made up city. Fake restaurants, radio station, bars, shops and even a library. I can appreciate the idea - I am a nerd about this kind of stuff. I loved the Cloverfield media blitz. Still, I feel like these guys might be expecting a big payoff for something that is not that cool. There are probably other things that could have been undertaken as a better use of time, like touring a bit more or putting out bonus tracks or eating breakfast.... Probably anything.
At least the music is still banging. I'm throwing back to their first album today, Moonlighting, cause that was my jam when it came out. The "We Be" video with its myspace theme. Check out the new single at their REAL website, which is actually just a myspace page (yeah, they could have done that too) www.myspace.com/tanyamorgan. Word.

Well This Is Surprising...

2009-04-13T15:53:00.003-04:00

Kanye West responds to "South Park" by...um...wait...he DIDN'T lose his mind? If one of this site's raisons d'être, specifically Kanye's never ending fount of douche, is leaving, we may have to close up shop here sooner than we thought.

How Do We Feel?: Young Money - "Every Girl"

2009-04-13T15:18:00.003-04:00

So I've been sitting on this for a few days to try and figure out how I feel about it, but I guess I'll just put it out there and see what you all think. Below is the video for Lil Wayne and his Young Money crew's "Every Girl"...

Let me get this out of the way: The track is juvenile, simplistic, and plays into every cliche of rappers discussing sex and women as emotionless conquests. Also, it is frustrating to no end that every member of the crew feels the need to rap through Autotuner. So I know I shouldn't like this.

But I'll be damned if this isn't right in Lil' Wayne's wheelhouse, and if he isn't smashing this one out of the park. The beat is a light, airy affair that matches the care free subject matter and tone of the track, and every rapper (save for a bizarrely transformed Mack Maine) delivers an enjoyable, unique, and memorable performance filled with the kind of one-liners that launched Weezy into superstardom. In fact, this track is the rare posse cut that makes highlights (GASP!) the posse it's trying to promote. Hell, it makes me notice Jae Millz. JAE. MILLZ. PEOPLE. Can it be that bad if it accomplished what years of mixtapes, failed singles, and A&Rs couldn't?

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day, 4-13-2009

2009-04-13T12:47:00.002-04:00

"Ain't It True" - Serius Jones

Aint It True - Serius Jones

Serius Jones is 2 for 2 over the last week with The Professional Haters. First, he dropped a gem of a street party anthem with "Help!", and now he returns with "Ain't It True," which gets a bit darker while losing none of the bravado of tone or wordplay that made "Help!" so much fun. It's the rare artist that can effectively combine hints of anger with biting, funny wit (Jadakiss at his best comes to mind), but Serius pulls it off. We're one or two more tracks like these away from me getting the itch for a full length release. Hopefully they release it alongside former label DTP's Lil' Scrappy project.

Kanye West Gets His Own Energy Drink, Because Douchiness Is Exhausting

2009-04-10T17:33:00.005-04:00

HipHopDX reports that Kanye West has entered into an agreement with GURU Beverage Company to create a new, organic energy drink. According to West...

"I express myself through music, fashion, art and design and that's why I am excited to collaborate with GURU; because the brand values what I value, and I can put what inspires me into this new product,"

I wonder whether or not drinking this will make your voice sound like autotuner for an hour. Even better is the company's statement, which makes them sound almost as douchey as West himself, as they describe themselves as...

"...built on principles of wellness, health, performance, authenticity and living life to the fullest,"

Yep. Because you can't have enough authenticity and full life-living in your beverage.

The Plies Goon of the Week Award, 4-10-2009

2009-04-10T16:57:00.002-04:00

This week's Plies Goon of the Week: Eminem

Anyone who's watched any of the terrible ________ Movie debacles understands that spooks only work when they're timely. Enter Eminem's video for "We Made You," which just might be the worst in a long string of terrible lead singles for Eminem. As a friend of mine said, "It's like he feels the need to reach a bunch of 12-year olds because his fans forgot who he was." Kim Kardashian? Brett Michaels? The most recent target mocked in this thing is Sarah Palin, just six months after the expiration date has expired.

If it's frustrating to watch untalented "artists" reach for any gimmick that will give them access to large audiences that they don't deserve, it's even MORE frustrating to watch an unquestionable talent like Eminem strain like this for an audience that would probably discover him anyway, considering his already considerable stardom and the quality of his product. If anything, this kind of a stretch indicates the worst kind of lack of faith in his own material.

That's the worst part about all of this. When he first emerged on the scene, Eminem railed against the idea of being a gimmick. Now it seems to be all he wants to be.

Method Man & Redman: "Ayo!"

2009-04-10T16:15:00.003-04:00

I read a while ago that Method Man is on BET's no-play list. That's a shame, because this understated video could go a long way with some exposure. I miss when Hip Hop would get behind a track like this.

"Deeper Than Rap" Is the Rap "Memento"

2009-04-10T15:25:00.003-04:00

Seriously, I have no idea why I went to graduate school, because there is just a TON of money lying around in the projects. Apparently, nobody has anything to do except count, wave, and steal money. It's incredible. Bonus points to the dead guy at the 2:40 mark, who CAN'T KEEP HIS EYES FROM MOVING EVEN THOUGH HE'S BEEN SHOT IN THE HEAD. Also, I'm very fond of the scene in which the younger brother has just watched his older brother and friend be murdered, and his response is to take his brother's jewelery and smirk about it. That is one jaded fifteen year old.

I'm stunned that this required so much film work that the credits are as long as about half of the film itself.

Mr. Bangladesh Might Have Made the Least Creative Video Ever

2009-04-10T14:35:00.004-04:00

Honestly, I don't know what the worst part of this is. Could it be the minute and a half long intro for an artist that we've never heard of and likely will never hear of again (he only gets burn here because he made Lil' Wayne's "A Milli")? Maybe it's the awful trend of wearing tags on EVERYTHING. Maybe it's the fact that he sounds AWFUL even through an autotuner. Or maybe it's that he used a video editor from around 1980 to add "ZAZZ!" to this atrocity. Tone Loc's "Wild Thing" was more visually impressive than this train wreck.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day, 4-10-2009

2009-04-10T14:06:00.002-04:00

"Pain & Torture" - Jadakiss

Pain & Torture - Jadakiss

Off of an otherwise disappointing album that stretches too far to crossover to regional sounds with which Jada is uncomfortable, this track instead builds off of a solid, cold New York backdrop. The result is that Jadakiss finds his comfort zone, lending a smirk to the steely horns and strings behind him. If he could figure out what his LOX cohorts have always known, that their style was, is, and will always be rooted in the heart of The City, his whole discography could be this good or better.

Pretty Flaco's Track of the Day, 4-9-2009

2009-04-09T13:39:00.003-04:00

"The First Me" - Lloyd Banks

The First Me - Lloyd Banks

Lost in all of the backlash against 50 Cent and G-Unit is the fact that Lloyd Banks is one of the most lyrically interesting rappers in the game today. Paired with the right track (as he is here on this offering from his Halloween Havoc mixtape), his impeccable flow and knack for punchy wordplay bring New York swagger, which has always straddled the line between arrogance and confidence, to the simmering anger his raspy voice has always carried. It's a shame we have to eat our idols alive, because otherwise he might have had a great career in Hip Hop.

Noreaga Twittering the Birth Of His Child

2009-04-09T13:15:00.003-04:00

I love Noreaga. Just when you think we've found the bottom of the barrel for classless ignorance, the man keeps digging and finds fresh sinkholes. Case in point, the MC who has been "On the Run, Eatin'" (and judging from the fact that he now has his own atmospheric orbit, he's been doing very little of the former and a whole lot of the latter) has decided to use Twitter to detail the birth of his child. Some choice quotes...

i actually never went thru this from beginning 2 end. its kinda scary and I smell like a ton of weed!! shit!!!

I smell like banana kush it's kinda embarassing!!! And I got a misel Philly rolled up

I twitters from the waiting room bitch I'm acting gangsta but Im really ass n these places LOL!!

I heard of fainting n emergency room I was gonna faint n the crib tho shit

It's the miracle of birth. Bananas. Truly bananas.

Kanye West Spoofed On "South Park"

2009-04-09T13:08:00.001-04:00

Kanye West On Southpark - Gay Fish
by Prefuse73

Yeah, that probably needed to happen.

MP's Track of the DAY! - 4-8-2009

2009-04-08T19:17:00.009-04:00

The Sound Is God - Exile

This is a track from the newly released album "Exile Radio" - an album where the producer, Exile (producer of the critically acclaimed Below the Heavens), has sampled every sound from Los Angeles radio. Consequently, the tracklisting is as follows:

1. Beyonce - Single Ladies

2. TI ft. JT - Dead and Gone

3. Beyonce - Single Ladies

4. T-Pain - Blame It

5. Beyonce - Single Ladies

6. T.I. ft. JT - Dead and Gone

7. BACKSPIN: Beyonce - If I Were a Boy

8. Beyonce - Single Ladies...

You get the point. In reality the album is very original. The concept is great and must have taken a lot of hard work to produce. The current track, The Sound is God, is one of the more beautiful and accesible joints on the album. Check it out - it's not your everyday musical experience, but there is certainly quite a bit of substance for an instrumental album.

I Want Freeky Zeeky To Deliver My Eulogy

2009-04-08T16:56:00.004-04:00

Apparently, this video for Freeky Zeeky's "Devil Want My Soul" is shot in tribute to his friend, who has passed away. What better way to convey that heartfelt tribute than by shooting a video at a cemetery where you and your friends strut, throw money, and play with grave statues. I'm officially getting the DipSet eagle airbrushed onto my casket.

If a zombie stripper had emerged from the ground where the money landed, this video would have won every MTV VMA for the rest of time.

Just Because It Has a Super Ironic Title

2009-04-08T16:44:00.004-04:00

Finesse - Rocko

"Finesse"? Really, Rocko? No, really, you guys go ahead and listen, and just tell me how the hell he arrived at that title. "Intelligence" is the only title that would have been more ironic.